Audi would have you believe that the all-new A3 is like the B5, except with a healthy dose of personal assistant thrown in. And that's because Audi is selling "connectivity" through a series of MMI-interfaced apps with the A3. And that's because they want to sell cars to hipsters after they see their hipster friends driving them and get jealous when the A3 starts to read out hipster A's Twitter feed to hipster B while at the same time, just destroying a canyon road.

Does it do any of that? Does it have the dynamics of the B5 and better connectivity than the $500 computer I have in my pocket at all times? Let's find out.